


Everybody Farts

by Adrastiana



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Humor, Inappropriate Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-24
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-08-06 21:04:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16395068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adrastiana/pseuds/Adrastiana
Summary: Reno just wants Elena to know that everybody farts. Even Tseng. You can imagine how well this goes over.





	Everybody Farts

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea what came over me. The idea just randomly popped in my head while I was on the bus. And behold! A fic about Reno farting! Lord help us all!

"Reno, you're going to give away our position!" Elena whispered through clenched teeth as she huddled in one of the many tunnels under Midgar.  


"Huh? How? I'm as quiet as a church mouse."  


"You farted!"  


Reno shrugged. "So?"  


Elena was disgusted. Especially since she was stuck in such close quarters with him. "What's wrong with you? Cut it out!"  


"It was silent," Reno replied, sticking his tongue out.  


"Yeah. But deadly. And gross. Stop it."  


Reno was about to answer that with another silent fart when suddenly they heard a man's scream echoing through the tunnel. It was followed by nearly thirty seconds of dead silence after which Rude signaled their PHS's with an all clear.  


"Guess Rude got him," Reno said. "I'll treat him to all he can drink tonight."  


The red head then turned around to look at Elena and started laughing. He thought this whole ado about farting was hilarious. And now that they were free to make some noise there was nothing stopping Reno from having a little fun with her. "Elena, everybody farts. Even Tseng."  


Elena couldn't have looked more insulted. "Tseng would never do that!"  


"Oh believe me babe, he does. He's just too classy to do it in front of anyone. So he waits until no one's around. That's why he's so uptight. Now me, I'm loose and liberated. Because I fart whenever the hell I want to. That's why I'm so stress free all the time."  


"You fart whenever you want to because you eat like a garbage disposal!"  


"Well yeah," Reno agreed. "That too. Anyway, fartin' is natural. Everybody farts. You probably fart all the time in your sleep."  


"I do not!" Elena snapped.  


Reno began laughing hysterically. "Oh come on. I bet if I put a camera in your room at night you'd let 'er rip at least four or five times easy."  


Elena's face was now beet red with rage. "Don't even think about-"  


"Relax, relax... I wouldn't do that. I'm just tryin' to make a point. And that point is everybody farts."  


"Well I don't! And either does Tseng!" Elena cried, insulted.  


"Oh my God... Elena, we all fart, ok? We live, we fart, we die. It's a part of life."  


"Well stop doing it," Elena insisted. "It's disgusting."  


Reno slapped his forehead. This was just too good. It was a shame that Rude hadn't made it back yet because he felt bad about keeping this all to himself. "If I stopped farting I'd explode."  


Elena shrugged. "Fine by me."  


Reno made the biggest puppy dog eyed sad face that he could manage. "You don't mean that. You don't want me to explode."  


"Do you have to do that?" Elena grumbled.  


"Yes I do," the red head replied, still trying to look cute.  


"You're a horrible person Reno. You really are."  


"Yeah yeah," Reno said. "You know I love you too."  


Elena was about to change the subject to anything other than passing gas when Reno farted again. This time complete with sound effects.  


He stretched out, looking relaxed. "Ahh... It's good to be one with nature."  


Elena was absolutely disgusted by this. "You did that on purpose!"  


"I did not! It was just a totally natural occurrence of nature. Man, Elena, you sure are sensitive about bodily functions. I fart, you fart, Tseng farts. Hell, even Rude farts!"  


Just then Rude had made his way back to the tunnel that contained his fellow Turks. He had just finished reporting in to Tseng and barely caught the conversation that Reno and Elena were having. "I'm doing what?"  


_~Fin~_


End file.
